Raging Right Wing Republican

For those of us who are politically informed, and therefore Republican.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

The dialogue

The most entertaining aspect of global warming is the intellectual sophistry—though that may be too flattering a word, since sophists possess a veneer of plausibility—of the environmentalist movement. The "argument," as it is played out, always goes something like this:
LIBERAL: Listen, we've got global warming.
CONSERVATIVE: Mmm.
LIBERAL: So will you sign onto this protocol?
CONSERVATIVE: Nah. Gutting American industry doesn't sound like a good idea to me.
LIBERAL: But the world is going to end in ten years.
CONSERVATIVE: So how will not opening a few new car factories help? And wouldn't this protocol encourage our competitors to open their own new factories while we're crippled here?
LIBERAL: Because it will. Sign here, please.
CONSERVATIVE: I don't think that's good policy.
LIBERAL: Listen. Why do you hate science?
CONSERVATIVE: I don't hate sc—
LIBERAL: You're a crazy Christian, aren't you?
CONSERVATIVE: What? Yes, the earth is getting warmer, but this cycle's been going on for—
LIBERAL: What we need to do is sign this protocol here. Ready to sign?
CONSERVATIVE: ...
LIBERAL: Here's a pen.
CONSERVATIVE: ...
LIBERAL: Sign.
CONSERVATIVE: Look, the problem is that even if you can throw off a million years' worth of evidence and demonstrate that human industry, in the blink of time that we've been here, has caused a planet-killing shift in atmosphere, your ideas about fixing it are absolutely unworkable. I mean, it's a gnat compared to the leviathan of human history you claim led us here.
LIBERAL: Stop it. OK? Just stop. Look at this picture. It shows a mountain with snow. Now, that was fifty years ago. Here's another picture. What do you see?
CONSERVATIVE: No snow.
LIBERAL: No snow! How can you not believe in global warming now, you planet-hating bastard? Don't you understand that there is a scientific consensus? A consensus! Al Gore said so!
CONSERVATIVE: Right, I know; it's getting warmer.
LIBERAL: Then sign onto my policy slate. Don't read it. Just sign.
CONSERVATIVE: Nah, that's okay.
LIBERAL: Bah! When will we ever convince you rubes?
And on and on...

3 Comments:

Blogger dw said...

This is going to lead to places we are not yet foreseeing. Here in Cali the Repub wants to build more dams and reserviors. The Dem says they take too long and cost too much and wants to invest in flood controls in preparednesss of the flooding that global warming will eventually cause.

Thu Feb 01, 12:23:00 PM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is just the beginning. Later we will find out that global warming is more insidious than we ever though?
"I'm sorry son, but your grandma passed away."
"What? How? Cancer?"
"No, she died of global warming. If she'd only have listened to Al Gore in time."

Tue Mar 06, 12:00:00 AM EST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should really do some reasearch instead of tryin to perpetuate the image that your being pressured without valid debate.

Fri Mar 30, 12:16:00 AM EDT  

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